I do care
by Nevermindmi
Summary: The development of Harley and Ivy's romance as two victims of abuse.


It was one of those rare days for Poison Ivy. Those kinds of days she could see the blonde sleeping on her bed. The bruised, sometimes bloody features of Harley both broke her heart and made it beat faster at the same time. She did not judge, because she had been on the same situation when she was young. The guilt, the shame, the self-hatred, the sadness that did not let you move and then the desire of making everything good again; as if it were ever good.

The reality was that being the victim of abuse does not stopped when people left their abuser, or at least not for her. She still has to fight the internal character of her psyche that hates her, that makes her feel unworthy, useless, weak. Ivy had a boyfriend for seven years since she was fourteen, she thought she loved him and that he loved her back, but she found out after the many years on a off of the abusive relationship that relationship was not based on love. It had been something else, company for the loneliness, a partner for the abandonment she had grown up in, someone as broken as her to share the hell that was living on this planet and to get away from her alcoholic family.

He taught her how to steal with intelligence, how to read people's habits and always act with a plan. However, most of the times he will get most of the things they stole, leaving her with little even when she had make the biggest part of the job. She soon learn not to confront him about this or anything else, the punches, breaking stuff around her, hitting her with different stuff on a moment of rage and the angry non-consensual sex were always his retribution for even thinking on doubting anything he believed, do or say.

Her powers saved her, her gifts, as she preferred to call them. When they started developing and making her stronger than him, she realized how powerless and manipulated she had been for so many years, the same passive attitude she was used to have around her parents when little she was having with him. As if she could not even breathe, walk or make any noise that could bother him. As if she did not even exist. But when her gifts made her stronger she could no longer receive all of the guilt and violence. She started defending herself, little at first, with some doubts, to then get to the point of almost killing him, but she decided not to; he was scared enough not to mess with her again and she just wanted to move on, not carry his death as unwanted baggage for the rest of her life.

Her plants helped her. They gave her the love no one ever did. By caring for them she learned how to care for herself. They saved her and she swore to save them back.

So here she was, living as well as she could, her only method of surviving stealing. Her only reason for breathing her plants and how the world could change into a better place for them. And there she was, Harley Quinn; a new friend she made at the museum and that was one of the few human beings she decided to have contact with on the last six years. It was difficult for her to trust people, men specially, and this meant it was unusual for her to meet with someone for more than two times. People tried to win her on different ways but she could always see trough them at their real intentions. They were attracted by her powers, her money, her beauty, all of her different abilities but never for herself of her story. It was easy to see how they wanted to use her specifically for their material gain or how they wanted to enlarge their egos by having a beautiful, intelligent and powerful friend or partner.

She knew how his boyfriend used her for his benefit only. She could even recall times were her own mother put the blame of her to avoid a beating from his father and how his father would hit her instead and scream at her and make her do things for both of them. She knew she could fall again into this easily, she was used to being the one beating up and doing everything for others. So it was even a strict rule of her. To not meet with the same people more than twice if there is even a little hint of suspicious of any ulterior selfish motives.

She sometimes wondered if she was making a mistake with Harley. Selina had passed trough a lot of test by now; she had been as loyal and serious with their friendship as Ivy was with her, and she was also a powerful, intelligent, beautiful woman that did not wanted to take anything away from her, that did not envy her but wanted to achieve things by herself, just like Ivy. But the bruised blonde had a problem, she was also powerful, also intelligent and off course beautiful but she did not know it. And Ivy more than anyone knew that made you an easy target for selfish people that usually used any person or way to achieve what they wanted. The type of people that could enslave others into a horrible life of serving them. The narcissistic type of people that were nothing but wanted everything.

She wondered if it was wise to take care so much of Harley, but reality was she could not stop herself from doing so. Harley was the most transparent person she had ever known. She did not lie and was clear with what she felt and thought at any moment. Staring at her she could only see a confused, battered, used person with a pure heart. Someone that even when broken was still worried for the people around her and that make her feel light by her bubbly, happy presence.

When she had just gotten away from the Joker's hands she would stay silent for at least two days. She would only say a low shaky thank you, sometimes accompanied by two or three tears. And when she looked at Ivy she would smile a sad broken smile. The third day she would finally take a shower and maybe eat better. And by the end of the week she would feel good enough to go and make everything right with her love. On the other side one day more away from him could mean she did not wanted him and the situation would get worse. Because she felt as if it was just her fault, the bad things, the good things, she had the wrong feeling that all was her sole responsibility and that the happy, even perfect life next to her lover was only interrupted by her mistakes.

Ivy did not wanted to intervene much, she could only care and try to make her see her own strengths. She wanted Harley to stop thinking her life was good or perfect when it was sorrowful. But Ivy knew that only the person inside the cycle of abuse can get out of it, if someone from the outside tries too it would be superficial, artificial and it would not last. Only Harley could see and feel her own power, only she could know the way out from the situation, not Ivy or anyone else. She was respecting Harley's free will, but know she understood how impotent the people that tried to take her out from her boyfriends control felt. Many friends and even lovers tried to take her away from her, but it was as if she was tied to him and could only go back to try over and over again to cut the cord, until she did, with her gifts she did. And Harley was tied to the Joker, and Ivy could only be a spectator of her struggle to get closer and closer to cutting that cord.

Ivy would never turn her back at the girl but she felt better because something inside told her the thing between Harley and her Mr. J would not last forever. A memory helped her maintain her hopes up, a memory she could not forget easily.

One of the only times Harley had been for more than a week at Ivy's place the redhead had been wary and suspicious all the time. Not only for the possibility of the Joker knocking on her door but because she did not understood the girl's intention, she could not read her that time. After recovering and starting acting like herself again she had wanted to go and rob with Ivy. They had the best of times and celebrated at their place, the blonde did not even mentioned her need of going back to the Joker, his name was forgotten for another week and Harley seemed like wanting to stay more and more. Until one night Ivy got something she desired but did not know she wanted.

The blonde rolled over on their shared bed to cuddle Ivy, something usual for the last three days.

"Ivy" Harley had said.

"Thank you for everything. I don't think I deserve this but I cant stop coming here, I am sorry for being such a pain in the ass. I don't know why I always felt the urge to come here even when I know inside how much of a nuisance and a failure I am. I am sorry for forcing you into my company, I can only say thank you and sorry"

Ivy felt her heart ache at the words, but she did not know what to say. Was it worth to bother explaining her why what she said was wrong? Would she listen and understand or keep thinking badly about herself? Even so she had to try, at least for this time.

"Don't say sorry again. I…you don't have to apologize so much I do this because I want to, I take care of you because I really care about you, and I care because I was just like you some years ago and you know it. So don't talk so badly about the friend I care for, please"

"But I am sorry red, I really am. How could you care about me? You were strong you got out by yourself and here you are now living a perfect life with no shame or guilt"

Ivy rolled on her back to place herself facing the blonde, which was silently crying. She holds her hand and kissed her fingers softly, sweetly.

"If you feel sorry, you know what, I forgive you. I truly forgive you Harley and I do care. I am not perfect nor I am free of shame and guilt. I was on that situation for longer than you have been and it is not easy, it still is not easy, it still feels as if had happened yesterday some days and sometimes I had to hold the urge to go and look for him, for revenge or for shame. And I sometimes feel like not eating and hurting myself because of the shame of living in filth my whole life but it is a daily effort to not hurt myself anymore and I want to do it and my plants want me to do it, it is not easy but it is definitely better than having someone controlling you and not letting you live. Believe me, I care for you Harley and I think I always will, even if I want to look away I can't, I feel like being with you and that is what I have decided to do. Not you or anyone can change that"

"Red…"

Harley could not talk anymore because a strong flow of tears had trapped her. She was sobbing into Ivy's arms with the force of her full body while the redhead hold her strongly and let her wet her shoulder and pillow. When she thought Harley had fall asleep crying she tried to move away from her grip to put a blanket in top of both of them but Harley's eyes were open and red from crying. Ivy looked at her, she seemed calmer from crying. Harley returned the glare and looked at Ivy with sweetness, gratefulness and even a hint of happiness. Ivy felt her body become warm with the star and she could not look away. Then Harley brought herself up putting her head on the pillow next to Ivy to look at her more directly. Their faces were close and Ivy felt Harley's hand lovingly caressing her cheek, which got also warmer from the contact. And then the blonde girl kissed her, her hand still on her cheek. Ivy felt like she belonged to Harley it felt like the softest, warmer and safest kiss of her life and that scared her as well as flooded her. Her chest felt tingly and she could only forget everything to enjoy the feeling of the kiss that now was getting rougher with every second. Ivy hold Harley's back of the neck to bring her towards herself and kiss her with more strength. The blonde's scent was sweet like she had never felt before; it felt like the kiss could last for hours and it almost did. Harley kissed her cheek and neck before burring her face on her neck and breathing deep. While Ivy kissed the blonde's head and stroke her back calmly. They hold each other to sleep on the most comfortable hug Ivy had felt. She was used to having lovers or night one stands men or women, but this was different. Here she cared and after this kiss and the show of affection from Harley she knew the blonde cared about her two.

Now after two months, the love and caring had grown between them. Their interaction was softer and different but none of them mentioned the kiss, not after Harley went back the other day to the Joker and Ivy went to Selina's house to stay many days, not wanting Harley to look for her. After two months Poison Ivy finally had Harley in her bed and she was not able to go to bed next to her. She wanted to kiss her too much and that could scare the other. For now she could only look at her, put the blanket on top of her body and go to her couch to watch Tv until her feelings subsided and let her sleep.


End file.
